The Bachelor

Isn't there a sexy reality TV show about a bachelor? Emily is out of town for a conference, and I had to stay in Minneapolois for a conference/seminar of my own (more on that to follow). And let me tell you, if there were a video camera in our house, I would be putting the "reality" back into reality TV.

Are there any any scantily clad 20somethings making out with me in a hot tub? NO! Do we even have a hot tub? And am I going on dates in Europe with these women? NO! Are they talking about how charming, yet down-to-earth I am? NO!

Here's the highlights of what The Bachelor would be like if were really a reality show (based on my last 48 hours):

SATURDAY:
5:03 p.m. After returning from work-related conference, The Bachelor returns to his pad to find a sink full unwashed dishes and nothing to eat. The Bachelor grabs a beer, tries not to think about mess. He is successful in not thinking about mess by watching college football game he doesn't care about.

5:17 p.m. Games ends and The Bachelor ponders does a) calling friends to make plans for evening or b) cleaning up mess in kitchen. Ends up watching local TV news instead.

5:21 p.m. Realizes patheticness of situation and decides "maybe I will call my homies or find a hot tub filled to the rim with girls in bikinis, just like on TV."

5:23 p.m. On the way to phone, the Bachelor realizes he forgot to set-up the evening's line-up for his fantasy basketball league he's in. Goes on-on line to do that. Ends up surfing web for 86 minutes.

7 p.m. Decides not call friends but to call pizza man. Watches Pleasantville DVD he bought earlier in the day and then Bucakroo Banzai DVD he bought a long time ago. Afterwards, goes checks on friends' blogs and sleeps in bed.

You get the idea? Today's highlights include:
1. Wathing football
2. Cleaning the house
3. Talking on the phone
4. Running
5. Blogging
6. Reading

Not too sexy, unless you consider my running sexy. These days I'm slower than Christma. So maybe it looks like I'm going in slow-motion, which, we all know is really sexy when you're on the beach (does the north shore of Lake Harriett count as a beach?). Am I just a piss-poor excuse bachelor or is this what it was always like? It's been so long I can't remember.